A Little Heart Has Alot To Say: July 2009

Sunday

I felt a pang of wishing you were here with me right now. I felt a jolt of happiness as i remembered you would be here soon.

Saturday

I write this entry smiling and holding a heart shaped diamond necklace in my hand. I have dreamed of a gift like this from him for so long now, I am so happy the day finally came. I could tell, when he handed me the white box, that he was proud. That he took the time to stew over which item was the perfect piece to give me. It could have been tin foil in the box, it almost didn't matter. I could read in his eyes that he was happy, excited, and put a lot of thought and love into choosing this gift for me. For those of you who like to track the progression of a relationship (like myself) here is a point of measurement...... I asked him what it was like picking out this gift compared to what it was like picking out jewelery for previous girlfriends. He said this time, he picked the one, regardless of being expensive, that he wanted me to have. That it said what he wanted it to say. That present means the world to me.

Celebrating a Milestone (whatever that means these days...) With the Ones You Love

I felt a bit like a fish out of water on my birthday. Here I had a clear idea of what I wanted to feel but when the day actually came, I was nowhere near those feelings. It took a few minutes in each situation to adjust to being the one honored for being alive. I didn't know what to do with the responses of my family, friends and of my boyfriend. I wanted to absorb the affection like a sponge and I wanted to deflect it like a shield. What I did do though, was appreciate the time everyone set aside to be with me. Whether or not I am able to embrace the notion of celebrating my life, I appreciated every second I had with my loved ones. I also was taken back by all of the messages I received via facebook, mobile, email. I was blown away by how many people took the time to write. It makes me wonder what they see that I don't.

Written With A Broken Heart

It's colder: now, the time stands in it's limbo

And the motions continue but the heart stays in bed. Bed, the last place I felt safe, your arms, your look, your eyes. Your strength, your solidarity; it's chilly now, I've lost my coat. I'm wandering, looking for you, up every street, around every corner. Where are you? I've lost my right mitten; my hand is numb with confusion. It was like a short ramp off a tremendous cliff, and, I wonder if I could have been better. -KK