A Little Heart Has Alot To Say: August 2006

I think I am afraid to open up and actually see in black and white what I am thinking. The words would stain the page with all of my emotions, thats sickening. I think Im going to just let it fly, see where it takes me, even if it makes me sick. Im going to do this, Im going to see it, here I go...a sunset, we were there, all alone, i wasnt afraid of being caught by someone else, the footsteps that broke up the once placid sand, the tide coming up to erease a day of memories on the beach. boats returning, red right return, always keep the green nun to your left. families on the boats, i used to be one of those families happy and together on a boat, now there isnt a boat just a family, memories of the water im nervous, im nervous because im numb to certain emotions, maybe all. scratch that, i have emotions very strong ones infact, but in certain moments i cannot feel them. they bottle up inside like a pressured fill jar of air until finally it breaks, shatters and the emotions are vented. there you are, handsome, strong, and happy. your eyes tell a thousands good stories of the funny time when... i want to know everytime you can remember, i want to know what has shaped you and turned you into the person you are now. i want to know the hard times the pricked your finger or pierced your heart. i want you , all of you, i want to hold you and have you know i wont let anyone hurt you. i want to be held, i want to be rocked back and forth in a womb made by your arms and renewed with your love. you saved me you know, from nights that would come where i would feel alone and unwelcome. Where i would feel a stranger to my own room. Where i would have a heavy heart and have no one to help hold it. You came, and i knew, depsite the odds that you were what i was looking for. that i was exactly where i was supposed to be. it was as if i found the secret meaning to my purpose in life, to meet yuo, fall in love, and be happy. to leave the world a better place because i had met you. i want you to hold me now and refresh me.