One Day I'm Going To.....

1. Go to Lourdes in France and pray at the Grotto. 2. Go to Africa and show the world humanity at its best. 3. eat a coconut that just fell from a tree 4. fall asleep on a hammock 5. turn my cellphone and computer off. 6. get Law and Order dvd collection. 7. buy a faux fur. 8. plant a tree and take care of it. 9. nurture a garden. 10. sleep in all day, never get out of my pj's. 11. raise a puppie. 12. go wine tasting.

Inspiring

...then I did the simplest thing in the world.I leaned down... and kissed him.And the world cracked open.~ Agnes de Mille

A MOMENT OF TRUTH

I think I am afraid to open up and actually see in black and white what I am thinking. The words would stain the page with all of my emotions, thats sickening. I think Im going to just let it fly, see where it takes me, even if it makes me sick. Im going to do this, Im going to see it, here I go...a sunset, we were there, all alone, i wasnt afraid of being caught by someone else, the footsteps that broke up the once placid sand, the tide coming up to erease a day of memories on the beach. boats returning, red right return, always keep the green nun to your left. families on the boats, i used to be one of those families happy and together on a boat, now there isnt a boat just a family, memories of the water im nervous, im nervous because im numb to certain emotions, maybe all. scratch that, i have emotions very strong ones infact, but in certain moments i cannot feel them. they bottle up inside like a pressured fill jar of air until finally it breaks, shatters and the emotions are vented. there you are, handsome, strong, and happy. your eyes tell a thousands good stories of the funny time when... i want to know everytime you can remember, i want to know what has shaped you and turned you into the person you are now. i want to know the hard times the pricked your finger or pierced your heart. i want you , all of you, i want to hold you and have you know i wont let anyone hurt you. i want to be held, i want to be rocked back and forth in a womb made by your arms and renewed with your love. you saved me you know, from nights that would come where i would feel alone and unwelcome. Where i would feel a stranger to my own room. Where i would have a heavy heart and have no one to help hold it. You came, and i knew, depsite the odds that you were what i was looking for. that i was exactly where i was supposed to be. it was as if i found the secret meaning to my purpose in life, to meet yuo, fall in love, and be happy. to leave the world a better place because i had met you. i want you to hold me now and refresh me.

Whats Most Important

"Let's make a resolution. I'll drink to that. Let's always stay friends. Friendship is thicker than blood...That depends...Depents on trust. Depends on true devotion. Depends on love. Depends on not denying emotion..." - rent

Minimum Wage Siren

I no more felt like being in the grocery store at 10 o'clock buying my dinner. A california role, a box of strawberries, a water. Those were the 3 things that were allowed to be eaten, i had only 500 calories or so beforehand, it was feast. I was busy reading about baby bumps and broken promises. I was staring at the floor tiles, thinking about how they resembled the gym floor in my grammar school. Eileen was working the register, her looks grabbed held to my literary mind. The creative side for those who have no idea what I mean. I could see her as the main character in some nickle and dimed love story. She had very short and sharp bangs that hung across her forehead. She had long stringy hair with a stint of cheap blonde highlights. The pencil ereaser red, drowned out any natural strands. She took pride in her appearance the best she could, she was working the graveyard shift at a grocery store, give her a break. Her glasses hung a bit off her nose, they could use a readjustment, I remember thinking. The man infront of me, started to make small talk with Eileen, the same way I would when it would be my time to pay. He asked her if she was tired. She told him that he had no idea. "You think you're tired, I just kayaked down the Deleware River." A rude voice in the line broke the monatomy of the checkout routine. I turned back nearly dropping the strawberries, I almost burst out laughing. There he was, the degenerate of the line, cheap 2.00$ rubber slippers, black knee socks, jean cut offs and a oil stained t-shirt with 20 extra pounds of lasiness underneath it. And there she was, the minimum waged siren, honest and kind behind the register. This fool hadnt so much as walked to the end of his driveway to get his mail that day let alone kayaked down the Deleware River. And while I toyed with the idea of his sanity and lack thereof, I walked out of the store feeling pathetic for that man, did he really believe he had a more noble role than Eileen? He was threatened by her presence, the same way all of us in line were. Although she lacked what we would call a real future and a solid past, she was doing more than the lying son of a bitch with his bag of potato chips and case of beer.